Thursday, May 21, 2015

A look into My Past and My Present


       Hey, I  miss writing, but I have nothing to say. Since we have started the twenty percent project my english grade has declined because Jasmine has rejected me so many times that I've just given up on the project and my blogs. I have nothing to write about, nothing to do, and let's not forget that we never found a mentor even after asking probably a majority of the music population around us. This project has turned from an opportunity to my worst nightmare. Ever since I had started middle school, my focus has been on improvement and It's been ok until now. When I was in elementary school I used to be in a program called RSP then when I entered middle school I started to improve my work habits due to study skills which I had the opportunity to get out of after the first semester of seventh grade, but I rejected it because it was an enjoyable class in fact I enjoyed it so much I also took it in eighth grade and I can say with all honesty that class was my turning point. Then when I entered high school I entered regular classes which I couldn't be happier about and gradually I'm just trying to move up because my major goal is to get into a good four year college straight out of high school. I really want to ask my teachers for recommendation letters, but I'm a little too shy because I fear rejection. My project has been the one major failure I've had in a long time and that upsets me. So if you don't mind in this post I'm going to write about past years and how this project either contradicts with or complies with those years.
        I'm going to sum up elementary school in one paragraph. During elementary school my mom and I were going through a rough phase with my dad in fact at a point I found them committing hand to hand combat in the garage and at another point my mom and I didn't have a house. Because I had low grades do to many missing assignments, my mom took me to a psychologist who diagnosed me with depression which put me in RSP and helped my mom win me in my parents divorce. throughout my elementary school experience I did not have the best grades because I was so unorganized that I kept on losing my assignments, but as God and my mom as my witnesses I did do the assignment and when I had a chance to make them up I sometimes woke up all night to finish something that might have otherwise taken a week to complete. Ever since then I've been trying not to leave everything until the last minute yet I still do. The fact that I still get away with this baffles me. I need to learn responsibility which in all honesty I do not have. Anyway those five years in elementary school were filled with failures just like this project and it is severely dropping my grade because of the organization of time that Jasmine and I have going on.
     In sixth grade I started to improve but not by a significant amount. When I finally reached middle school I had a goal in mind and that was college so naturally I improved because I had a reason to. I was still in RSP and was forcibly and understandably put in study skills. Because my grades were in order I had the opportunity to leave study skills, but I didn't because achievement was my drive. My electives those two years were Public Speaking which I hated but took because it could help me with my shyness, Drama which may have been the most fun I've ever had, Woodshop which was an extremely wonderful learning experience that I wanted to continue in highschool, but my mom was too worried about it so I am taking auto right now and in all honesty it's not as fun, and Study Skills which was a wonderful class because I could finish my assignments in that class. My two RSP classes were english and math in both seventh and eighth grade. On back to school night in seventh grade my english teacher told my mom that I had depression, which I had honestly not felt until that summer in which I'm pretty sure I lost some weight because of how much I cried and how dehydrated I was because of it. I'm starting to go back because this project is killing me inside. This depression on the other hand made me religious which I'm still grateful for yet this 20% project is doing nothing for me but corrupting my mental health. I lost all the effects and results of the depression the moment I entered eighth grade. My grades were not as good as eighth grade, but it seemed like an accomplished year nevertheless. Unlike my english project middle school seemed somewhat of a success even through it all. 
       When I finally reached high school I was so psyched only to find out they lost my transcripts which was also somewhat of an opportunity. I let the psychologist pick my classes based on past grades, my only request was that I be put in the lowest math class because math is my worst subject. I honestly severely  regret asking that because it brought down my science which is my best subject as well as the most fun one and it's always been that way even in my first years of elementary school. The 20 % project is somewhat like my math class because it holds me back in a way that makes me regret my decision. In tenth grade so this year we started our blogs during first semester which encouraged me to take MUN in which I am a little intimidated by the members on the other hand I'm also a little intimidated because both groups are extremely smart an I feel like an idiot at times. To add to my uncertainty my mom and I found out that my mom has breast cancer stage three and that's something that I don't like to admit, but I write anything and everything on this blog because I know no one reads it. I actually don't try as much as it appears because I'm actually pretty lazy and half of my day consists of netflix which proves I need an academic challenge, but the twenty percent project proves to be to much because of a lack of time. Something random is a lot of people don't realize that in my culture we are not allowed to touch the opposite gender not even a pat of support, but we can handshake so that's peculiar.   
     In conclusion life can be rollercoaster of emotions and events. Although there are many bad situation you always  gain something good out of it which is why I'm sure that even though the 20 % project has not been the best thing in the world I'll gain something great out of it. In life there are two paths one that is straight and another that is full of bumps and hills, although the straight road seems easier to take the imperfect road leads to a strong personality and a feeling of self assertion as well as it being able to build character meaning the problems you have go away, but they leave you with a life lesson never to be forgotten. Always remember that there is a plan awaiting you and everything that happens is for a reason which is why I don't view my problems as a roadblock, but instead an opportunity that I can take and make grow into something that is unlike anything thought to be true. Peace to you all.

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